Robert Britt

            Author, Columnist

True Tales of Childhood

                     Not necessarily true or of childhood

     This is not necessarily going to be true. And it might not be strictly about childhood unless you define coming of age at 33. Tolkien defined 33 as the age of adulthood in his little trilogy of four books. Bilbo and Frodo combined their birthdays to reach one gross (144.) Bilbo was one hundred eleven and Frodo was coming of age at thirty three. Makes sense to me.

        And now on to the true tales…

The Great Panty Caper

It was approaching the magical hour of 8pm. Stores were crowded; teens abounded in the corridors of the mall. Soon the young kids would be gone and the cool crowd would begin arriving. It was so annoying to have to deal with the under 14 crowd. They were sooo immature.

I was glad to be out. I had a prison sentence for almost two months. Grounded. For having a few friends over to my house? That seemed pretty unfair to me. We weren’t doing much of anything, just hanging out. Well, maybe we were going to go midnight bowling, and I knew that was pretty much not allowed even when the ‘rents were home. But they weren’t home. Out of town, again, leaving me stuck with my little brother. Grrr, 13 is such a pesty age, when will he grow up?

Well, back to the mall, I’m free again. I’m glad to be out with my best friend, Trina. We always have fun, even when we are stuck hanging out at one of our houses. I’m not even sure whose idea it was, but it was a good one. We went into Boscov’s and were looking at some clothes. Soon we were in the underwear area, looking at bras and thongs. We thought it would be cool to, you know, maybe get a free pair, so we headed to the dressing room with bunches of clothes and we just slipped on a pair of thongs. Trying them on, you know. But what if we just got redressed and left them on. Free is for me! I might as well grab a few pairs while I am at it.

Back in the mall. This is a great adventure. Time to find the brats, the little brothers. They might be hanging out outside the theater; who knows why. We approached the doors and suddenly there were two men stopping us. Back to Boscov’s. This is not looking good. We are stuck in the security office getting grilled. Maybe if we confess this will all go away. That strategy didn’t work. Time to call the ‘rents. This is not going to go well. They are in NYC for the day to see a show. Not…answering…their…phone… oh crap, who can I call? CJ (older brother) Luckily he can make it. If he doesn’t show up, I go to jail. This is all over thongs. Am I the stupidest girl on the planet? It’s a silent ride home. There really is nothing to say. Tomorrow is going to be ugly.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So it was a great day. We got free tickets to see Rent in NYC, and free bus rides both ways. Doesn’t get much better than that. The show is awesome; better than the first time we saw it. Out in the city for a few hours before and after the show. It is always nice hanging out with Chad and going to NYC is just icing on the cake. The day was long, and I am happy to be resting on the bus. Fond memories linger in my head. My phone rings. It is CJ telling me that S. has been picked up for shoplifting. I’m hoping she learned a lesson. Of course, I can’t pick her up. We are hours from home. It’s a good thing CJ can. She’s in bed when we get home. I go to bed, too. The next morning I knock on her door. She comes to me, and has fear in her eyes. What am I to do? The old me would have yelled and…who knows what else. I took her in my arms and held her close. I said,”you had a rough day yesterday, didn’t you?” She just nodded and the tears rolled. It was like Niagara. She was shaking. Trembling. I knew she already learned a lesson, but would it last? Would she carry the lesson forward? “We’ll talk about this tomorrow, OK?” Again, she nodded. I think that was a good way to address it, for now. Tomorrow she’ll be grounded...again.

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